How Polyvagal Theory Can Help You Regulate Your Nervous System and Overcome Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse can feel like an insurmountable task. The emotional and psychological toll can leave us feeling drained, stuck, and disconnected from ourselves. One of the most powerful ways to regain a sense of balance and empowerment is through understanding and regulating our nervous system, which is where polyvagal theory comes into play.

In this post, we’ll explore polyvagal theory, how narcissistic abuse impacts the nervous system, and practical steps you can take to heal and regain control over your life.

What is Polyvagal Theory?

Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains the crucial role of the vagus nerve in regulating our body's response to stress. The vagus nerve is a part of our autonomic nervous system (ANS), which controls involuntary bodily functions such as heart rate, digestion, and breathing.

According to polyvagal theory, our ANS operates in three main states:

1. Ventral Vagal State (calm, connected, social): When we're in a safe, relaxed state, we can engage with others, communicate effectively, and respond to challenges in a calm, measured way.

2. Sympathetic State (fight or flight): In response to perceived danger, our body shifts into survival mode, preparing to either fight or flee from the threat.

3. Dorsal Vagal State (freeze, shutdown): When the stress becomes overwhelming, we may shut down emotionally or physically, feeling numb or disconnected.

   
   

The key to healing, especially after trauma, lies in understanding how these states affect us and learning how to regulate them for better emotional health.

The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse on the Nervous System

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation that often leaves survivors in a constant state of fear, confusion, and self-doubt. Over time, the abuse disrupts the normal functioning of the nervous system, leading to chronic stress and hypervigilance.

When we experience narcissistic abuse, our nervous system is often stuck in a state of sympathetic activation (fight or flight) or dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze). In these states, we can feel trapped, anxious, or numb, even when we’re no longer in a dangerous situation. This prolonged stress response can cause:

• Hypervigilance: Constantly scanning for threats, even when they don’t exist.

• Anxiety: Feeling on edge or overwhelmed by everyday situations.

• Depersonalization: A sense of being detached from our own body or reality.

• Difficulty trusting others: A lingering fear that others might hurt or betray us.

  
  

By understanding these effects, we can start to address them and reclaim our sense of safety.

The Importance of Nervous System Regulation in Healing

Healing from narcissistic abuse is not just about emotional recovery but also about restoring balance to your nervous system. When the nervous system is dysregulated, it becomes difficult to feel safe, connected, or grounded. This can hinder the healing process and prevent us from moving forward.

Polyvagal theory offers a solution: regulating the vagus nerve. When we activate the ventral vagal state (our calm, connected state), we can shift our nervous system from stress into relaxation. This state allows us to access our body’s natural ability to heal, trust, and experience joy.

Practical Steps for Nervous System Regulation (Polyvagal-Informed Techniques)

Here are several practical techniques to help regulate your nervous system and shift from survival mode to a state of calm and connection:

1. Deep Breathing

   Deep, diaphragmatic breathing can help stimulate the vagus nerve and activate the parasympathetic nervous system (our relaxation response). Try breathing in for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for a count of six. This simple technique can help calm your body and mind in moments of stress.

   
   

2. Grounding Exercises

   Grounding exercises bring you back to the present moment, helping you feel more connected to your body and less overwhelmed by emotions. Try the “5-4-3-2-1” technique:

   
   

   • Name 5 things you can see.

   • Name 4 things you can touch.

   • Name 3 things you can hear.

   • Name 2 things you can smell.

   • Name 1 thing you can taste.

     
     

3. Gentle Movement

   Yoga, tai chi, or simple stretching can help reset your nervous system and release stored tension. Movement is a powerful way to reconnect to your body, promote relaxation, and improve emotional balance.

   
   

4. Mindfulness and Meditation

   Regular mindfulness or meditation practices can help calm the mind and reduce feelings of anxiety. Start with a simple practice of focusing on your breath for 5-10 minutes a day. Over time, this helps retrain your nervous system to respond with more calm and clarity.

   
   

5. Social Connection

   The ventral vagal state is activated by positive, supportive social connections. Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel safe, seen, and understood is a powerful way to support your nervous system. This can be a therapist, close friends, or a support group for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

   
   

How Polyvagal Theory Supports Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

Understanding and regulating your nervous system can be transformative in healing from narcissistic abuse. By incorporating polyvagal-informed practices into your life, you can begin to:

• Move out of survival mode: Over time, these techniques help you shift from a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze into a more regulated and calm state.

• Set healthy boundaries: As your nervous system becomes more regulated, you'll feel more empowered to set and maintain boundaries with toxic people, including narcissists.

• Trust yourself: When your nervous system is in balance, you can reconnect with your intuition and make decisions from a place of clarity, rather than fear.

• Create healthier relationships: Healing your nervous system helps you engage in healthier, more balanced relationships, free from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

  
  

Healing is a Journey

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, but it's one that is absolutely possible. By understanding how polyvagal theory works and implementing practices that regulate your nervous system, you can reclaim your peace, emotional resilience, and sense of self. Remember that healing takes time and patience, so be gentle with yourself as you move through this process.

If you're ready to start your healing journey, begin with small steps. Practice deep breathing, grounding, and mindful movement every day. Over time, you’ll notice shifts in your emotional state, and you’ll feel more empowered to navigate life and relationships from a place of safety and calm.

Healing is possible, and you deserve to experience peace and freedom from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Kristen x