Healing Isn’t Linear (And You’re Not Doing It Wrong)

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “doing healing wrong” because you’re still anxious, still triggered, still tired, or still feeling stuck…

I want to gently say:

You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re doing it exactly right.

Because healing isn’t linear.

It’s layered. And messy. And deeply human.

Real healing isn’t a straight line.

It looks more like a spiral, or a slow wave, or a loop with progress and pullbacks all woven together.

Some days you feel grounded.

Other days you cry on the couch again.

Some mornings you have clarity and strength.

Other nights you numb out with sugar or overthink every interaction.

This doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you’re in process.

And your nervous system — that brilliant, protective part of you — is doing its best to keep you safe.

A Quick Note on the Nervous System:

After trauma — especially narcissistic abuse or emotional neglect — your body can get stuck in survival.

You might:

• Feel constantly on edge (fight or flight)

• Feel numb, disconnected, or shut down (freeze or collapse)

• Overfunction, people-please, or scan the room for safety (fawn)

• Feel exhausted and foggy even when you’ve done “nothing”

  
  

These patterns aren’t personality flaws.

They’re nervous system states.

And they make so much sense when you consider what your body has been through.

Your body doesn’t need to be fixed. It needs to feel safe again.

“But how long is this supposed to take?”

I’ve asked that question so many times.

Maybe you have too.

“Shouldn’t I be over this by now?”

“Why am I still so triggered?”

“Why is my body still responding like I’m in danger?”

“How am I still here… after all the work I’ve done?”

I want to tell you something I’ve had to learn over and over:

Just because it’s taking time doesn’t mean you’re not making progress.

This can take years — and that’s okay.

Especially when the trauma was chronic.

Especially when the gaslighting was subtle.

Especially when the damage came in layers — slowly, silently, while you were just trying to survive.

You didn’t get here overnight.

So healing won’t happen in a single breakthrough, a journal prompt, or a 12-week program.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not working.

Progress might look like:

• Being aware of your triggers, even if you still react

• Feeling safe saying “no,” even if your voice shakes

• Crying on your couch, but not judging yourself for it this time

• Taking a nap instead of pushing through

• Noticing the urge to fawn or fix — and choosing to pause

• Having the same old thoughts, but with a little more distance

• Coming back to your body 10 seconds sooner than you did last time

  
  

That’s healing.That’s holy.That’s everything.

What Healing Can Actually Look Like:

• Repeating lessons you thought you already learned

• Feeling hopeful and hopeless in the same week

• Having “regressions” that are actually your body asking for slowness

• Forgetting everything you know — and gently remembering again

• Taking two steps forward, one step back

• Starting over (again) without shame

  
  

What Helps in the Messy Middle:

• Grounding practices (touch, breath, gentle movement)

• Nourishment (meals, water, sleep, spiritual rest)

• Support (people who can hold space, not give advice)

• Scripture or prayer that doesn’t shame or demand

• Self-compassion above all else

• Letting “small” things be sacred wins — brushing your teeth, taking a nap, saying no.

  
  

You’re Not Alone

You’re allowed to be in the messy middle.

You’re allowed to repeat patterns.

You’re allowed to forget, freeze, fall apart — and still be healing.

You’re allowed to come back to yourself again and again.

You are not behind.You are becoming.

And if it’s taking longer than you thought it would —That doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you’re healing something real.

With softness,

Kristen 🤍